Here's How to Apologize to Parents Who Have Died

Assalamualaikum Ustadz, I have a question.

For example, if someone has died, and while he was still alive, he hurt his neighbor. Regarding this, his son has apologized for the deceased's mistakes. However, the neighbor was reluctant to forgive him.

The question is, will the deceased be peaceful in the grave?
Thank you, Ustadz.


Peace be upon you and God's mercy and blessings be upon you


In living life in the world, humans must have, and often even make, mistakes. However, that doesn't mean that he will be a person who will lose forever if he wants to ask Allah Subhanãhu wa Ta'ala for forgiveness.

If the sin is big, then he must repent. And if the sin is related to haqqul adamiy (the rights of Adam's children), then you must ask Allah for forgiveness and ask for halal law from the person concerned.

In a hadith it is stated:

عن أَبي هُرَيْرَةَ رضي الله عنه، عن النَّبِيِّ ﷺ قَالَ: مَنْ كَانت ْ عِنْدَه مَظْلمَةٌ لأَخِيهِ مِنْ عِرْضِهِ أَوْ مِنْ شَيْءٍ فَلْيت َحَلَّلْه ِمِنْه الْيَوْمَ قَبْلَ أَلَّا يكُونَ دِينَارٌ وَلَا دِ may Allah bless him and give him peace and blessings َمتِهِ، وإنْ لَمْ يَكُنْ لَهُ حسَنَاتٌ أُخِذَ مِنْ سيِّئَاتِ God bless you

"Whoever does wrong to his brother, whether to his honor or something else, let him apologize to him before there are no more dinars and dirhams left. If he has good deeds, then his deeds will be taken according to the level of injustice he has done. And if he does not have goodness, then the badness of the person he wronged is imposed on him." (HR Bukhari).

So what if the person at fault has already died and has not apologized to the person concerned?

For example, if a person who has died still has debts, these must be paid by his heirs, even before dividing the inheritance. If there is a mistake that the deceased or the deceased has committed against someone else and he has not had time to apologize to the person concerned, then his heirs are obliged to apologize for the person who has died to the person in question.

The problem is that a person is willing to forgive, then it will be good and a reward for him. However, if he refuses, then as his heirs we still have to pray to Allah for the deceased or deceased. And maybe he gets sin because of it.

We still have to maintain good relations with the parties concerned. Or, we can also give charity to the person concerned.

Rasulullah shallallãhu 'alaihi wasallam said:

ما ام رُ دَعْوَةً تَلحَقُه مِن أبٍ أوْ أُمٍّ أوْ أخٍ أوْ صَدِيقٍ فإذا لَح أحَبَّ إليه مِن الدُّنيا ومَا فيها وإنَّ اللهَ عزّ وج لّ لَيُدخِلُ على أهْلِ القُبُورِ مِن دُعاءِ أهْلِ الأَرْضِ أمْثَال َ الجِبالِ وإنَّ هَديَّةَ الأَحْيَاءِ إلى الأَمْوَاتِ الاِسْتِغفا رُ

“A corpse in its grave is like a drowning person who is asking for help. He looks forward to the prayers of his father, mother, children and trusted friends. If that prayer reaches him, then he will prefer it to the world and everything in it. And indeed Allah conveys the prayers of the inhabitants of the world for the master of graves as big as mountains. "The gift of living people to the dead is to ask Allah SWT for forgiveness for them and give alms on their behalf." (HR Ad-Dailami).

However, the highest Judge is Allah Subhanãhu wa Ta'ala. We humans can only try what we can and can do.

As a child, don't forget to always pray for your parents who have passed away, because it is very useful for them.

Rasulullah shallallãhu 'alaihi wasallam said:

إنَّ الرَّجلَ لتُرفَعُ درجتُه في الجنةِ فيقولُ : أنَّى هذا ؟ فيقالُ : باستغفارِ ولدِك لكَ

"Surely there was a man whose rank had really risen in Heaven, so he asked: 'Where does this come from?' Then he answered: 'Because your child is istighfar for you.'” (HR Ibnu Majah)

That is the importance of having righteous children who can help and lighten the burden on parents after they die.

May Allah protect our hearts and deeds, and grant us all pious and pious children, amen...

Hope it works!

Peace, mercy and blessings of God

(Answered by Ustadz Very Setiyawan, Lc., S.Pd.I., MH)

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