ASKING:
Peace be upon you, and Allah's mercy and blessings.
I want to ask, ask for advice and advice. I can no longer bear the problem that I am currently facing. How can we sincerely let someone go?
He is a widower with one child. During this time I was always there when he was difficult. I helped him, his son, and also helped pay his debt.
But after everything was sorted out and he was back to normal, he suddenly left me. The reason is, I am selfish and he doesn't like me anymore.
In fact, we have been together for 2-3 years. We can solve many problems. We even had an on-and-off relationship because we loved each other and were able to keep our commitments.
We are married sirri. Because when I returned to Indonesia, I only got 5 days of leave. So, there's no time to prepare for a formal wedding.
As long as I was his wife, you could say he was never responsible. Once, my family and I were in a difficult situation, he helped. But when he was angry he asked me to pay the debt for his assistance.
I also believe too much because he often promises and swears. For me, the oath will not be broken, because it is related to Allah SWT. But in fact, he still left me.
How can I be calm? Because sometimes my mind wanders all over the place. I also had thoughts of committing suicide because I had too many problems. I feel unable to live it.
Thank you, Ustadz.
Salam,
Fulanah
ANSWER:
Wa'alaikumussalam warahmatullahi wabarakatuh.
Bismillah ... the foremost purpose of marriage is worship. Even getting married is one of the traditions of the Prophet Muhammad. He once said:
النكاح سنتي ، فمن رغب عن سنتي فليس مني (رواه ابن ماجه)
"Getting married is my sunnah, whoever hates my sunnah, then he is not from my (people)". (Narrated by Ibn Majah)
If in worshiping someone cannot feel extraordinary blessings, there could be a problem when carrying out the worship. Likewise in marriage, if a person cannot make his marriage a means to be more devoted to worship, it means that there is something wrong in the intention or principle of marriage.
Legitimate marriage must fulfill the conditions and harmony. Among the pillars of marriage are: the groom, the bride, the guardian of the bride, two witnesses (male), and ijab-kabul (contract handover).
The conditions for marriage are: the bride and groom are Muslim and Muslim and not a mahram, the groom knows the guardian of the prospective wife, is not under coercion, and is not in ihram.
Then other marriage traditions must also be considered such as walimah and so on so that they are known to the public. So, there will be no slander if later the two married couples are together and seen by other people.
Then, it must also be registered with a state administration such as the KUA, so that marriage is not only legal according to religion, but also according to state regulations. Thus, the wife and children have the right to inherit from their husband or father.
Sirri is linguistically derived from Arabic which means secret. So a sirri marriage can also be equated with a secret marriage, because it is only known by certain parties.
If the marriage is carried out secretly, under the hands, and is not recorded in the KUA, we usually call it the nikah sirri. By religious law, if the sirri marriage meets the requirements and is harmonious, then the law is valid. However, legally the state is not legal.
However, according to Islamic school scholars, a sirri marriage is a marriage that is not witnessed by two witnesses or attended by only one witness. However, the term sirri marriage in the present is the practice of marriage which is carried out secretly or secretly even though the terms and conditions are fulfilled.
Not a few of the contemporary scholars who prohibit sirri marriage because they see madharat (danger) than maslahat (goodness). Their prohibition is not just their marriage, but the impact of the sirri marriage.
According to state law, wives and children cannot claim a living and inheritance from their husbands or fathers. And usually the man can arbitrarily apply to his wife and / or children. So that many women are disadvantaged. Herein lies the prohibition of some scholars of the practice of sirri marriage.
So, it would be better if this sirri marriage was avoided. Although, if there is a lasting sirri marriage because there is a clear commitment from both husband and wife, this is only a small part.
If someone has already done a sirri marriage and (sorry) has become a victim of it, immediately ask Allah for forgiveness so that he immediately provides a solution. If indeed the husband always treats him badly and cannot be reconciled, the mother can sue for divorce for her own good. Let the goodness that you do or the property you give to your husband become alms, which Allah will definitely replace it better if we are sincere and patient.
Never give up from Allah's grace. Every problem we face is written in the Mahfuzh Lawh. If we face a tough trial, it means that God chose us to be able to face and get out of it.
Wallâhu a'lam bish-showâb.
Regards!
(Answered by: Ustadz Very Setiyawan, Lc., S.Pd.I., MH)
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