DDHK.ORG - Assalamualaikum.
Ustadz, I want to ask a question. This is the second time I have asked about my parents' problems.
I am a single parent with one child. I was forced to leave it with my parents. But I always try to make ends meet and meet their daily needs.
However, my parents were always less and less, to the point where they owe millions. If I ask, they are never honest. They always lie to me, also use my children to get more money from me.
I once reprimanded and gave directions. They agreed to my directions but didn't implement them. In fact, it is worse now than before.
[darsite number=5 tag=”consultation”]I was sad, angry, irritated, and upset because my parents were so realistic. That is my mother. Until, my father was depressed until he got sick. But my mother didn't want to change at all.
What should I do, Ustazd? Is telling stories including indulging my mother's shame? Am I including the child of lawlessness? I often cry when I know my mother's debts are so great.
Even so, I was often badmouthed. Often told people, he said I never gave him money. The person who gave my mother a debt told me and asked to be repaid.
Thank you, Ustadz.
Greetings, Fulanah.
ANSWER:
Wa'alaikumussalam warahmatullahi wabarakatuh.
Bismillah ... To serve both parents is the main practice, even Allah SWT placed the command to worship both parents after the command to worship Him without associating with Him with anything.
Allah SWT said:
وقضى ربك ألا تعبدوا إلا إیاه وبٱلو لدین إحسنا إما یبلغن عندك ٱلكبر أحدهما أو كلاهما فلا تقل لهما أفࣲ ولا تنهرهما وقل لهما قولࣰا كریمࣰا
{سورة الإسراء: }
“And your Lord has commanded you not to worship other than Him and to do good to Mother, father. If one of the two or both come to an advanced age in your care, then you may not say to both of them the words "ah" and do not shout at both, and say to both of them a good word. " {Surah Al-Isra ': 23}
Allah SWT also said:
وَصَاحِبۡهُمَا فِی ٱلدُّنۡیَا مَعۡرُوفࣰاۖ
{سورة لقمان: }
"And hang out the two (parents) in the world well". {QS Luqman: 15}
Providing support for both parents is the duty of the child, especially the son, even though he is married. As for girls, then she has no obligation to provide support for her parents, but there is no prohibition to do this, even including a kindness, especially if she works and can help her husband.
But what if our parents (father or mother) who we support turn out to be wasteful and like to spend money from us?
If our father or mother is among those who (sorry) have mental or mental disorders so that he likes to spend money from us, then we should not give him, but we direct their needs. Because this kind of person is included in the category sufaha '(people who have little or no sense).
Allah SWT said:
وَلَا تُؤۡتُوا۟ ٱلسُّفَهَاۤءَ أَمۡوَ ٰلَكُمُ ٱلَّتِی جَعَلَ ٱللَّهُ لَكُمۡ قِیَـٰمࣰا وَٱرۡزُقُوهُلَ ٱللَّهُ لَكُمۡ قِیَـٰمࣰا وَٱرۡزُقُوهُمۡ وَِّهُ
{سورة النساء: }
"And do not surrender to someone who is not perfect in reason, your wealth (those who are in power) that Allah made as the principal of life. Give them groceries and clothes (from the proceeds of the treasure) and say to them good words. {QS An-Nisa ': 5}
However, if our parents are still physically and psychologically healthy, but like to waste our money, then we must take a path to advise them well through us or close people they like. Explain to him that wealth is a mandate from Allah and will be held accountable in the afterlife.
If our parents accept this advice and turn out to be good, then be grateful. But if not, then limit the money we give him so that he doesn't fall into israf (wasting wealth).
Reduce our giving little by little and give just enough. Pray a lot to God so that he can change for the better.
Wallâhu a'lam bish-showâb.
Regards!
(Answered by: Ustadz Very Setiyawan, Lc., S.Pd.I., MH)
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